OMFG

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kanye west

is such a fag... for what he did to taylor swift...

false alarm!

lol turns out the lab quiz isnt til the week after next week (i've got time to study more). read chapter 1 today. also finished painting both rear drums red. looking sexy =) the wipers, i'm having trouble with. planning on refinishing the wheels over the weekend. probably won't sand the whole thing, just apply some goof remover to get rid of the adhesive scum and apply 280 grit on the spokes. that should be enough to make it look clean again. red calipers over the weekend, too. will be sure to post pictures. going to order the secret weapon intake from ebay. about 180 with the filter cleaner and the ram kit free. pretty good. i've got an hour of A&P tomorrow morning, but will wake up early so i can swim before heading to school early. going to try and initiate more conversations with mikala ^_^; annnd i hope star gets hired =D.

packing office stuff so we can move to the new location on monday. new desk !!!

HELP!

i dont know why but i can't motivate myself to study T_T
A&P lab quiz next week. FRIG.

Rest

took the day off from work today. flu got to me pretty bad, i need the recovery. i've got to connect the left engine hook to ground, forgot to do that. need to hit up the gym in the afternoon to pay my monthly charge and maybe get started on the elliptical -- work out my legs and burn that fat. gonna put a few hours in studying some A&P. then probably play some metal gear. it's honestly been a while. so much things i can do, but excited over the weekend. i've got the house warming on saturday after class. then i've got a long weekend since no work monday & no class on tuesday. freaking awesome. gonna get started on painting the wheels, drums and calipers on sunday. still waiting on my rear struts & air freshener to come in the mail. i get paid friday which means i'll be able to put the order in the weapon r SW intake and finally finish the ground wires. i am so confused as to what i want the exterior of the rav to look like. i don't want that bomex front bumper, it just looks too outrageous but i'll need something with considerable weight to keep the nose down at high speeds. won't have to worry about this until next year of course. i honestly want that gaara doll for my rearview, but if i can't get that then i'll settle for a stewie bobble head on my dash lol. sigh.. tuning. i'll be able to reach 200 bhp (and even more probably with upgraded internals) but it will be a lot of work, money, time and effort. i'm thinking sparco interior... the back seats i'll probably just have leather covers. project car. i've always gotta drill that in my head. one thing at a time. gotta focus on the next mod for the month: intake and worry about the rest later.

ground wire

started working on the custom ground wire. can't put in 3 wires because of stock air box. can't wait for paycheck, will put in order for weapon r short ram and finish up the custom ground. man i need a good point and shoot camera to take pics. anyone wanna gimme for free? A&P is a pain in the ass but Mikala is lovely. got the cough & colds -- its probably from staying outside tuning the Rav. all fer' now. oh media player need fixed. julia gave me back the ipod touch (16gb gen1) after getting a macbook white polycarbonate one of her own. =) redownloading my playlists.

bought a Nirvana shirt with two other shirts from hot topic yesterday. H&M was a fail. their shirts were too long. hahahah

for my mother.

Matriarch

Wise words that hit home when she tries to prove a point,

No one does it any better than my own mother.

Strong and bold with a temper hot enough to light a joint,

Yet I’m proud that I get my confidence from her.

For this woman is like no other, with ambitions off the chart,

Fearless, smart, and pretty blunt, but she owns a big heart.

Always ready to stand up and fight for what she believes is right,

Her opponents cower in fear, unable to stand against her might.

Blessed with a sharp tongue capable of persuasion,

She keeps her children in check like a ruler of a nation.

A den mother – always alert to aid her cubs in need,

Gives advice valued even by a son who pays no heed.

No one dare take her place for she will forever be my queen,

And I, her son, will be her prince until I’m past nineteen.

For I will groom myself to succeed and be a king,

She taught me to be proud, be hardworking and to dream.

Mother, I know that I am a burden and a pain at times, I’m sorry.

I should be doing all I can to keep you from stress and worry.

So when I somehow fail and you feel like you’re about to cry –

Remember that I love you very much and that I try.

first saturday of the semester.

and i find myself in school at 8 am. lol. medical terminology class on saturday mornings.
I should kill myself lol, its a 3 hr class from 9-11:50. i hope the people are nice.

anyways. H&R lowering springs came in yesterday. cool. i'm just waiting on the rear shocks and i'm good to go. won't be able to do wheels this weekend, dad's painting the garage floor. i'll probably do the ground kit though and give the Rav a good wash. Vacuum the inside. I'll probably head over to speedquest to get the air spencer freshener, my car stinks for some odd reason, i have no idea. i'll also get a stewie bobble head from wal-mart or something lol. who knows. read up on some A&P tonight after gaming. damn man is it time to upgrade the internal HD? hmm probably wait for pay check this upcoming week before getting the upgrade. ooooooh and i want that sparco backpack T_T.

for my good friend Grace

God’s Grace.

What’s there to say about the one they call Grace,

There are too many good things and so little space.

Always there to guide and support you like a brace

To keep you strong and sturdy, any time and any place.

An ear to lend to those who have their worries and fears,

Her shoulder is ready for the downpour of your tears.

A comrade you can trust in any conflict or war,

Scent that you’ll be thankful for, even from afar.

To those who befriend her, She is a valued ally.

Humble, loyal and trusting – surely she deserves a prize.

You are mistaken if you chose to scorn this special goddess,

For you must then face the wrath and hate of a million others.

The bond I share with her is unmatchable, a different level.

Grace is her name, another Godsent guardian angel.

An over-committed worker, aimed for quality and perfection.

But also loving and kind, full of care and affection.

Love You Tita =]

Jayce

mail yesterday

got the red caliper paint and the championship white wheel paint from summit racing yesterday. so did the front strut assembiles, the boots & the mounts from rockauto. first day of school was a drag. saved my ass 160$+ by downloading my anatomy book in .pdf format. erm.. mikala seems cute, i just hope her stereotype doesn't apply on her too hard (but seeing as she's made it to anatomy and physiology might mean something). feeling really musical and creative but can't seem to express it. made grace a poem today. gotta make one for my mom, my sister & janet prolly tonight. got homework to do for A&P. gonna refinish the wheels this weekend if it doesn't rain and the driveway is dry. grandma coming back from the motherland tomorrow. hopefully she's got the air spencer lime that i asked for. as far as the ground kit is concerned --- was able to get everything from T Morales over at waukegan. awesome shop, good deals. things that i still need for the ground kit project: wire-cutter (string enough to cut through the 4 gauge), socket set. ah well. 

hair's getting longer.... i dont feel like getting it cut at all, maybe thinned and layered out eventually. someone teach me how to dress i was stuck in the mall for half and hour, trying to figure out what clothes to buy and ended up coming home empty handed lol. 

mail yesterda

girl

n.
trickster.

ugh... blast the weather!

dangit! rain & showers preventing me from doing this weekend's projects... ah well. i guess i get to save up a bit more. suspensions i'm looking at 600$, the tools i'm hoping my parents would buy for me. gotta read that freaking hayne's manual over for replacing struts.

my current rav4

gotta love it ;)

what color should i paint the wheels and rotors this weekend. I'm thinking black wheels, maybe red rotors... right now they look horrible. rust on the rotors and deep visible scratches and crappy adhesive left overs on the wheels.

mods this weekend.

so i got the 5-pc duralast kit:

- (2x) 2-ton jack stands
- (1x) 2-ton hydraulic jack
- creeper
- Xbar

(all for 60 dollars)

oh and i got the Haynes Repair Manual for my Rav4. with this baby, i can almost anything without having to rely on them blasted PepBoys.

(20 dollars)

*mods that i might do: refinish/paint wheels and rotors (black/red scheme)
*custom ground kit

order in suspension parts on sunday, hopefully.

Sly Team

well my tuning team is now ready. i've got my boys brett (mitsubishi 3000 GT) and brent (volkswagen corrado) and my 99' Rav4. we just waiting on poom's Lancer evo. this is going to be great lol.

update

okay first off, car plans:
august - suspensions ($500)
september - short ram intake ($130) & rotors/wheels refinish ($200)
october - iridium spark plugs & wire upgrade ($230?) fender flares ($120 )
november - exhaust ($500)
december - apexi controller ($300?)

[for now]

other goals:
SF4 - unlock gouken & seth, learn ken combos and kick ass
RE4 - finish co-op game
MGS4 - finish single player campaign
get Snow Leopard for OSX & upgrade internal HD to 500 GB
get healthy enough to swim in the AM and treadmill/MMA in the PM
buy Tapout/UFC t-shirts
buy an ipod touch?

other news:
school starts tuesday next week, down to 3 days a week of work.

A/C FIX?

check this -- pepboys quoted me a $55 inspection on the A/C, and depending on the year model of the car, $150-200 for the fix. this was yesterday. it was 6:00 pm when i got there, and they only accepts those type of jobs at 5:00 pm at the latest. they asked me to come by today, instead.

well i guess it all happened for reason. i came home last night, pissed off at the idea of paying $255 for a bloody A/C fix. what did JC do? he drove to autozone, and bought two cans:

i used the super seal first, hopefully it sealed any leaks in my A/C system, followed by the freon R-134a refrigerant. the instructions were a walk in the park, i just hope i did everything correctly. car did get cooler, and this morning it stayed cool. guys i hope this was a permanent fix. if this does work out, it is my first successful Do it Yourself fix to my car.

next week i'm shopping for my struts/shocks&springs for my car's suspension. i'm planning on installing those on my own, too.

there's a whole kit at autozone that i want to pick up by the way. 60 dollars for the duralast 5-pc. 2-ton jack kit

priorities.

i've gotta sort em' out, man.

current wishlist:

- DSLR camera package - $500 (good ebay deal. frig i really want one.)

- auto tweaks. (lets not get started, there's a lot) [good thing all i need to spend for is the materials, parents will cover the labor]



* A/C fix ($100?) *this week*
* suspension struts, shocks & springs ($500-600) *next week*
* short ram intake ($130?) (september)
* iridium spark plugs & wires ($100-200?) (october)
* muffler + exhaust ($400?) (november)
* header & tube ($200?) (december)

[there's a lot more, but those are the main things for the year]


- other things that aren't as important as the above:

clothes [bah whatever] & a good recording mic. [$100?] oh well.

P.S. OMG I DONT HAVE A MEDIA PLAYER!!! NO IPOD NO PSP ! using CD's for my car right now lol.

J.C. accepts paypal for donations =)

just a note to myself

http://www.rockauto.com/ for my GR2's
https://www.raceinspired.com/ for my Gas-A-Just's

hmm

hey guys, i'm thinking of starting a photo blog. so like, no big change.. i might just add photographs to the poetry. invest in a new camera? yeah. lol. a good camera. just for more artsy purposes, i guess. WOOTS!

nightmare

as i lay there in twilight hour
branch shadows tap the window
the moon at its full phase gleams
i force my eyes shut

steps can be heard on the stairs
a flush from the toilet vibrates
and the clock tickitytocks away
i toss and turn

questions and essays chase me
as my mind sits empty and bare
my stomach grumbles and craves
i go under the covers

she opens the latch and enters
pulls my wrist and drags me with her
away from this place she will take me
to the trees and the mountainside

flying

i soar over and above triumphantly 

with the stars and by the clouds

feeling the wind against my face

i am flying

my wings outstretched and proud

strong and defiant against all

confident, sure, carefree

free from troubled thoughts

great pride swells within me

i cannot contain my energy

for my happiness is immeasurable

have never felt this way in years

no ball and chain to ground me

or snare to keep me still

i am free to fly wherever

reach for the heavens

i will.

beneath the waterfall

streaks and rays of light

shine upon the meadow

its dew faint but cool

at this silent hour of day

tall birches and oaks greet me

as i stroll by untrimmed grass

sparrow sings a familiar tune

i've heard it in my dreams

the rainbow's arc hits my position

i stare at its spectrum in awe

reminding me of a past love

that brightened my every second

the plateau appeals to me

from its edge i'd like to fly

forever fearless and free

like a seraphim from the heavens

another rainbow catches my eye

reflected by the light from crystal

product of the waterfall nearby

like a gateway to the unknown

i reach my hand through the surface

close my eyes in silent contemplation

through this thick ambience of melancholy

i still feel your presence nearby

the one to find

i wonder where you could ever be

in this strange, vast, and open sea.

i feel my loneliness cry out for you

but i know one day you'll be with me.

i've not the faintest clue who you are

but i'm sure you're out there, somewhere.

waiting, as patient as i currently wait.

for the fair moment that we'll share.

my mornings are glum and pointless

because you don't call to tell me

good morning, that you love me dearly,

what an exciting day today would be.

instead i force myself to rise

against my wish to just lay still.

because everyday i hope and pray

to meet you and for once feel real.

for without you in my life i am nothing

fainter than any shadow without you near.

only you can fill this empty void within me

and totally rid me of my doubts and fear.

kailan pa kaya natin makikilala ang isa't isa,

para matapos na ang aking paghahanap.

na makumpleto na ang pagkatao ko,

at sabay na tayong umabot sa alapaap.

happy birthday

its not the right time,

for us to meet in the flesh.

and i don't want to call,

it might lead to stress.

but maybe in time,

we can sit and be friends.

give it a year or so,

we'll catch up on all we missed.

for now let's be ghosts,

and unknown to each other.

so that life goes on, 

with no distraction or bother.

but i thought i might write,

happy birthday to you.

hope your days are pleasant;

enjoy your winnie the pooh

exam.

a splinter in my head,

driving me crazy it's irritating.

unwanted situation,

i just want this to end.

my mind keeps on wandering,

all these words seem senseless.

what is it my heart seeks?

i lose focus too easily.

i need to escape,

where should i run to or hide?

i'm a sloth, its disgusting.

no reply has yet reached me.

material is not complicated,

yet i just can't get to it.

there is no motivation,

if only kim chiu was here...

artista

tulala sa bintana

may hinahanaphanap

wala namang nakikita

wala sa isip, nakatunganga

mahirap kasing idibdib

na walang ligaya ang buhay

dahil may kulang sa araw

ang ngiti ng iyong mata

ikaw kasi ang langit

at hindi kita maabot

masaya sana kung kapiling

pero wala rin, malabo

artista ka kasi

at ako, normal na tao.

kung pede sana ipahiwatig

pagibig ko para sa iyo

suntok sa buwan, isang milagro

kung magkatuluyan man tayo

nanaginip lang ako

laki ng tama ko, seryoso.

totoo nga naman siguro

na walang mararatingan

ang crush kong ito para sayo

magjajakol na nga lang.

platonic attraction

you're quiet...

not a people-type of person..

but you could be if you like..

you can have fun on your own..

not the type to start off a conversation..

am i reading you right?

asks the admirable goddess

sitting next to me, elegantly

on a thursday afternoon

in east asian civ. 

i told her that she wasn't right

that i wasn't what she thought

she says, "maybe so".

melancholy and distraught

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

today i wanted to tell her.

why i thought she read me wrong.

the reasons behind my awkward mask.

was because of her, all along.

the truth is simple

i'm intimidated by her presence

it would shock her, for sure.

either she'd smile or take offense.

beauty, brains and personality.

she must be worth the world.

my highlight of the day.

God's Eden, unfurled.

it's clear to me she's taken

and that she's 3 years my senior.

but its platonic and not like that

took me a while to figure.

that she's great as a friend.

though we aren't that close.

she must be one of the nicest

and can rock out her clothes.

the best combo of style

are her eyes and that smile

didn't drop asian civ.

she makes the class worth the while.

Alive, No More Fear

thats right i'm making it
unbelievable but i live
like a hermit crab, escaping
from the shell that held me in

like an eagle, i soar
shaken by nothing
my grin wide like long ago
the one i've forgotten to wear

there is no more fear
nor sorrow that can be traced
a morph from clay to rock
hardened by past i can forget

as my feet carry me onward
no force can contain me
you can look at me funny
all you like, but the truth is here.

I'm alive -- no more fear.

stone-faced angels

as i close and open...
alive and broken..
my people turn on me
they hail it stupidity..

the actions i take
because i can't refuse
and deny and push
these unnerving images.

of the laughter, the smiles.
like hello's and goodbyes.
they haunt me non-stop
its not easy.

they talk as if they
know how it used to be like
when she used to be bonnie
and i was her clyde

but why do i dwell
foolishly on these thoughts
when i know that it will never
be the same as those days

she does not need me
she does not care
she does not call me
she's never there.

its always been me.
lunatic and part-martyr.
after a few days of stray
find myself thirst for her.

but it can't be the case.
or i'll fail myself further.
i must set sail.
and push my heart harder.

to cage itself in.
to forget her and flee.
from the feelings and emotions.
that i feel within me.

but what if they are right
and they aren't against me.
maybe God sent them here
to help set my heart free.

but why be so brutal?
why not share my sorrow
i feel strong and better now.
will it be the same tomorrow?

they will be there like braces
to hold me up when im weak
beautiful and cold
like empty spaces
my own stone faced angels

360

i gaze at the clock and wait
wait as it ticks and moves slowly
completing its rotation in a full 360
wait as time flies wasted as nothing goes down
because now you are gone
and nowhere to be found.

a deep cut heals as time ticks by
and the bird slowly lifts his head up
and with eager wings and what looks to be a smile
he flies high.
as if no longer bothered
by a stinging goodbye..

his stubborn mind will be conditioned
but his fragile heart will lie
he can forget temporarily
when he tries to fly..
without you he might die, but he will do his best and try.
to push back tears,
learn to survive...
and forever cease to cry.

i sit here now, and patiently wait
wait as the world spins daily
spins and completes a revolution
slowly... in a full 360.
wait as days and nights go by, with nothing significant
nothing worth telling, or noting, or knowing

only your presence has significance.
your love worth everything.
your face worth telling.
your voice worth noting.
your kiss worth knowing.

what power it would be
to make time tick back
to make the world spin
the other way... in a full 360.

so that the bird can experience everything
about you that he has now lost.
because to him you are truly, lovely.
because you were his better half.
you used to complete him
what he lacked, you made up for.
together you formed... a 360.

to turn back time would be miraculous
impossible.
only hope keeps him alive.
hope that in the future.
there will come a 360.
in which you will realize that the bird exists.
and his wings will not falter.
he will push for 270.. all he needs is your 90..
to complete and restore.. his longed 360.

screw it.

always thought that you and me would last
you turn your back on everything we shared in the past
i'm back the way i was before you came and changed me
an explicit motherfucker ready to kill if needed be

the memories are painful
enough to make me tremble
thought about it so hard, yesterday it made me stumble
in the snow where i was cold and alone but its' been worse
spyin' his car parked by your crib makes me curse

should never have let you get that close to me
it doesn't even bother you that we're through. you look happy.
a line of dickwads assembled in a row to please you
deep inside you know that to me they can't compare to.

how lucky, how cute that things are going really swell.
my life is just a shy away from living in hell.
nothing's goin' my way: school, work, and even you
everything's lost... i hate the shit you put me through.